Now, I know as a young African man from a little village in Kenya I am supposed to be on the saving end, not the fucking end (or worse, the talking end) of this campaign, but let’s face it: for a mission as worthy as this, we need to enlist as many fucking dicks and pussies as we can. I know some people might find this fairly radical, but I modestly propose that we even enlist non-human penises and vaginas or anything that takes such shapes (anything to save an African life!), on the condition that @DurexRED can manufacture condoms for them.
Category: Satire
Man, That Dude Lifting Light Weights at the Corner Definitely Pretending not to be Insecure About the Instructor Training his Wife
I am no psychic or something, but I am seeing that dude at the corner fucking shit up in the very near future; he’s rapidly approaching his “hell no” threshold and it won’t be pretty in here when that happens.
Poll: 98% of Kenyans Have no Clue What Omarion is Talking About in Swahili Chorus in Diamond’s Collabo
Three weeks after Tanzanian megastar Diamond Platnumz debuted his smash collaboration, African Beauty, with American artiste Omarion, a trusted poll shows that 98% of Kenyans who’ve listened to the song are still trying to decipher the meaning of the Swahili chorus the American sings.
Media Mogul Debuts “Exposure” Cryptocurrency for Starving Creatives
The Exposure crypto token (EXP) will “disrupt the value chain of minting millions off the free services of those dumbasses dumb enough to trust us.”
Broke Government has no Better Way to Spend Taxpayers’ Money than in Silencing Critics
Over 75% of citizens in The Nation Thursday evening remained in shock after the Nation’s Government made it blatantly clear that the best way to spend their taxes is in silencing the critics of the regime. Notably, this announcement comes just weeks after mandarins of said Government defended budget cuts in education, healthcare and devolution saying “the Government is broke”.
For the Millionth time, City Millennial Uninstalls Instagram for “The Last Time Ever”
Saying it was about time the productivity train left the station, City Millennial seconds ago and for the “the last time ever” ditched Instagram, the popular photo-sharing app boasting billions of users and bots. The Millennial, now in his second year of post-collegiate real-lifing, for the umpteenth time, feels the time he spends on the ‘gram is “a little on the higher side.”
How To Be The Perfect Been-to African
So you put up that cliché ‘Finally going to the motherland!!!!!!!’ Facebook status that garnered over ten times your average number of likes for a Facebook post. Or more accurately, the number of likes was commensurate with the number of apostrophes you used. You most likely flew on an American or a European airline, via either an African or a European capital. If you jetted through Accra, Lagos or Nairobi, you most likely were in the company of black faces with hands holding more than one passport….
Man in Power Promises to Promise More Promises to Get Re-Elected
“Can you say we haven’t met the promise to deliver more promises? What more do you want, unless you just want to talk more to earn bonus airtime in which case I am not the right person to call. I have places to be, people to see and promises to make!”
