NATION CAPITAL. Over 75% of citizens in The Nation Thursday evening remained in shock after the Nation’s Government made it blatantly clear that the best way to spend their taxes is in silencing the critics of the regime. Notably, this announcement comes just weeks after mandarins of said Government defended budget cuts in education, healthcare and devolution saying “the Government is broke”. Many of Nation’s citizens were amazed at the alarming speed with which the Government discovered funds to deport controversial politicians like Megooner Megooner, gag the media and pay for fines levied to Government officials for disobeying court orders.
But in his statement to newsrooms, Nation’s Government Spokesman, Henriko Kiritho, made it crystal clear that “we will float ten more trillion-shilling Eurobonds if we have to, we will borrow billions of dollars from China, we will raise income taxes to 150% if that is what it will take to get the money to make sure no one speaks ill of the Government and its Supreme Leaders. We will not rest until everyone who dares think of criticizing the Government is brought to book.”
By press time, the Government’s chief financial mandarin was preparing a statement to explain to legislators in the Nation’s capital why the Government could not afford to pay striking university lecturers because of “budgetary and fiscal constraints.”
– Mharere Mkare